i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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