She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
