my sisters under your porch take her home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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