Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
