i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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