She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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