one might say we're banned from that church
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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