you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
