well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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