i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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