also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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