You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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