i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
