I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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