i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
