you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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