I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
