At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
