i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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