Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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