Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
