well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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