oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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