well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
