He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
