I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
