so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
