She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
