she looked like the before picture.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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