When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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