I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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