My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
