Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
