now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
