She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
