i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
