I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize