Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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