...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
