3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize