Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Randomize
