just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
