you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
