are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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