so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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