Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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