Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
