well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize