I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
