That's intense
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize