GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize