I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
