would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
