Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
