Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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