He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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