I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
