No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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