Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
