Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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